Let sleeping dogs lie. Or lay. Whatever.

You’ll have to excuse me today. I am very grumpy. Really, really grumpy, as a matter of fact. The problem is I didn’t get much sleep because I was sharing a bed with a dog!

Not Mike. I mean an actual dog. Mike is normally fine to sleep with, although if we’re being honest here, the man rolls up in the covers, which frankly, is a bit of an issue for me.

But the problem today is the dog and my lack of sleep. I need my sleep. I crave it the way…well, possibly the way Charlie Sheen craves attention and goddesses, only not in a crazy, “look at me, I’m on the internet” kind of way. More in a “if I don’t get enough sleep I’m a witch on wheels” kind of way. Which actually might be the same thing, now that I think about it.

Anyway for the last few nights I haven’t gotten any sleep because when Mike's back is really hurting him he will sleep in the living room which is fine with me. My dog, Milo, enjoys sleeping with me. Normally he doesn’t sleep with anyone but Peyton, because Mike doesn’t like sleeping with dogs. Yeah, I know. He’s the smart one in our family. (lol)

As it turns out, Milo is a bed pig. I don’t know how he does it, but that darned dog manages to kick my butt out of bed all the time. Seriously? he’s like 10 pounds. How the heck does he manage to hog up the entire bed?

And more importantly, why do I keep letting this happen?

I mean, it’s not like I could say it starts off well. It doesn’t. While I am in the bathroom washing my face and brushing my teeth, Milo jumps up onto the bed and rolls himself up into a ball on my pillow. So when I’m done and ready for bed, I walk over and ask him to move.

And he pretends very convincingly to be deaf.

So I try to move him over. At this point, Milo makes himself completely immobile. It’s like trying to move a 1,200 lb boulder. He literally will not move and stays tight in his little ball shape so I end up kind of rolling him to the side like one of those roly-poly bugs.

When I finally move him off my pillow (which by the way does not smell so fresh and clean and un-Milo like at this point) Milo huffs, rolls himself into another ball and stares at me like I am the worst person on earth because I have just taken his spot on the bed. Really? Really? I thought it was my spot, but obviously, I’m the spot stealer here.

And then we go to sleep. Or at least I go to sleep. Milo goes into I’m-going-to-hog-the-entire-bed mode, which means he spends the next eight hours of prime sleeping time trying to push me off the bed.

And he’s shockingly good at it, too.

I wake up several times during the night and find the entire right side of my body dangling off the side of the bed. And there is a little, furry dog curled up into my back pushing at me with his little legs.

So I roll him over to the other side of the bed. And fifteen minutes later, I wake up with hands and feet dangling and a dog in my back again. I seriously don’t know how he does it. I roll him back again and he takes over my side of the bed again.

This goes on for hours and hours! And the entire time, Milo acts like he is fast asleep. His eyes don’t even open. He snores through this whole thing. And by the way, when I say Milo snores, I mean he snores. Loud. Which also is not conducive to me getting my required hours of happy sleep!

So by morning, when the alarm clock from Hell wakes me up from my completely un-refreshing night of sleep, I am grumpy! Also, my back hurts and there is no feeling in the entire right side of my body because it dangled into space for most of the night.

You know, at this point, I’m happy that Mike is sleeping in the bed with me tonight and I know he will be taking all the covers as well. At least I can get some sleep!