Great Allergic Reaction of 2011

Just before i get ready for school, I had one of those days. You know those days. They start off weird, and then just get worse. But this day started with me waking up and realizing it was still dark. Now that’s not the most unusual thing in the world, because I tend to wake up early. But then I realized that it wasn’t still dark outside.

It was dark because I couldn’t see. Now this? This was unusual even for me.

I say that because I am the proud possessor of the worst vision on the planet. Seriously. My eye doctor says that he only has two patients with worse vision—and one of them is my husband (thats a story for another day) That aside, when you wake up and can’t see, you figure one of two things have happened: 1) the sun has gone Supernova or whatever that thing is that they threatened us with in 7^th grade science class; or 2) possibly there is something wrong with you!

After careful consideration, I went with option 2. Mainly because I couldn’t remember the science behind option 1, but I kind of thought that if the Supernova thing had happened, a lot more would be wrong than me not being able to see.

So I felt my eyes and boom! They were huge and puffy and apparently swollen shut. And that was why I leaped out of bed and came quickly to the realization that I would not make a good blind person. See, I jumped out of bed, thinking I would automatically know my way to the bathroom because my other senses would take over and guide me to the sink. Like super powers or something.

Yeah. So it turns out my other senses didn’t exactly switch to superhuman the minute I couldn’t see. But after running into walls, tripping over a chair, and nearly knocking myself out on the doorframe, I finally got to the sink and was able to pry open my eyes and see myself.

And that, my friends, was something I never should have done! You know those movies where somebody eats something they shouldn’t have and their face blows up until they look like they’ve been in a losing battle with a puffer fish?

I looked just like that. And I don’t mind telling you; it was not a good look for me.

So obviously I was allergic to something. But rather than go to the doctor—because as we all know i'm scared to death of going to the doctor—I started eliminating possible suspects in the Great Allergic Reaction of 2011.

I started with the tree that the husband bought me for a Birthday girft. It was a lovely tree. Granted, Sophie,Little Bit and Milo have tryed to eat it, but it was still lovely. And out it went, to sit on the front porch. And the next morning, I pried open my eyes to discover a newly puffed up pair of Angelina Jolie lips to match my swollen eyelids. Yeah, still not a good look for me. Especially since I only got the lips and not the face or body to go with it (which is really unfair, if you ask me).

Then I decided it was the new rug I bought to go into the living room. It was a very lovely rug it match everthing in the house. No, I didn’t toss it out on the front porch but I did put it in the garage.

And yet I still resembled a puffer fish.

So finally I relented. I went to the doctor. And I found out that I am allergic to glitter. Yes, glitter—as in the glitter in my sparkly nail/toe polish and various other things. I know it’s weird. But honestly, I’m starting to think that weird is my normal. And yes, I do know that it took a long time for me to understand the obvious.

Anyway, an allergy to glitter, while not life changing, is kind of a bummer for me. I like glitter. What can I say? I’m some what  Italian-American. Have you seen those people? We’re talking sequins, poofs and glitter. It’s what they live for. Well, and hairspray. And possibly spray tanning—although I’m not into that. Seriously, is it just me or does Snooki and her gang look like an entire generation of oompa-loompas?

Come to think of it, I can live with being allergic to glitter. I can only thank heaven above it’s not an allergy to rhinestones. Then where would I be?

In which he was trying to be efficient

I got about 3 hours of sleep last night. I'm not whining, I'm just stating a fact. I'm not sure WHY I couldn't sleep last night but I couldn't so I'm extremely tired this morning. Right now Mike is gone to his brother's and it's just me and my furry babies around here so it's pretty chill.

This is Milo

After waking up from 3 hours of sleep and taking Milo out (he’s a dog for those of you that don’t know) and retrieving our small and pitiful newspaper I stumbled into the kitchen to make some coffee and my morning milkshake (I have a chocolate protein shake for breakfast every day. It’s awesome! You should try it). Mike was sitting in the living room all wrapped in a blanket and Milo was barking his little head off.

So I fed Milo and started on my stuff and Milo gobbled down his food and then went to sit next to Mike and look at him with sad eyes so that Mike would feel sorry for him and feed him some of his breakfast. He really likes it when Mike has Pop Tarts for breakfast but this morning Mike was eating Lucky Charm’s. (See how I mix my food groups up here for my husband! And they say being a wife is difficult lol.)

So Mike was feeding Milo and then I called Milo over to take his “hopefully I won’t die today pill” and Mike and I had the following conversation:

Mike: Milo really likes his pill

Me: I assume it tastes yummy

Mike: You should taste it

Me: I should taste his pill?

Mike: Yep

Me: Nope. I don’t want to die today

Mike: Aren’t you curious what it tastes like?

Me: He also eats cat poop out of the litter box. Should I taste that as well?

Mike: Good point

And then Mike gets up to leaves the kitchen.

Me: Hey, don’t forget to deal with your cereal box (which was sitting out)

Mike: Ok Hun!

So he goes over to the box and I go back to fixing my milkshake, etc. and forget about him for a minute but then I look up. And the BOX IS STILL THERE.

Me: Mike I told you to deal with the Lucky Charm’s box

Mike: I did


Me: You put the top down but you left the box out

Mike: yeah, I know

Me: WHY did you leave the box out?

Mike: Well, I’m just going to need it tomorrow anyway

Me: Are you kidding me? That’s ridiculous! Put it away!

Mike: I’m just trying to be efficient here!

I’m pretty sure that these, husband has a plan to send me over the edge!   Especially when I’ve only had 3 hours of sleep. Do your husbands do crazy shit also?

What Marriage Has Taught Him

      Tonight the husband and I had a date night and it had me thinking we have been together for almost 5 yrs. As I lay in my bed with a big ole bag of chocolate covered almonds reflecting back, I tried to decide how to sum up the past half a decade. Do I talk about the powerful and sweet moments of our marriage like, bringing home our babies and when I mean babies I mean our pets, (they are like our own children) or buying our first Car. Perhaps the scary, surviving a health scare, saying goodbye to friends/family too soon, would be more appropriate. Do I go all honest and talk about how marriage, a good marriage, is not all roses and sunshine, but requires some work. Work of the very best kind! That true love is a true gift worth fighting for. No, I decided the best thing to do….talk about what 5 years of marriage has taught MY MAN!

Here is what my sweet smart man has learned about surviving marriage in the suburbs:

-Never to ask your wife if she has PMS.

-Sometimes it’s better to just shush…and let me rant.

-He knows he will always score when he delivers a heartfelt handwritten love letter. The universal truth is that women are suckers for romance and I am the biggest sucker of them all.

-It will always be his job to take the garbage out. Period!

-Nothing gets more man points in the bank then a back rub with no strings.

-You lose all those points if you fart in the bed.

-The wife, she could never look fat in those pants!

-He may not be wrong all of the time, but when he’s right, best not to be too smug about it.

-Bringing me coffee, Always a good idea.

-He has learned just to pretend like he doesn’t know I’m spending all our money on new clothes, shoes and chocolate. When Mama’s happy, everyone is happy.

*Worth noting, he has not learned that whiskers in the sink make me bonkers. Underwear belongs in the hamper and that despite his best efforts, national holidays and family functions will occasionally fall on football Sundays.

Honey, I love you more fiercely every day, something I didn’t think was possible. I hope we keep planning, dreaming and laughing together for the next 100 years or so. Happy Date Night….Mwah I Love You!!

Reading in the Bathtub

Reading in the bathtub is close to a form of praying for me. Most times I am guilty of thinking too much, wanting to control the outcome of my days, wanting to be productive, wanting to finish the my list of daily activitaies, wanting to be “that” person who is doing all the things that I want to do with my life.

But “that” person is as human as I am. “That” person struggles too with all of the same things, mood swings and fears and sweat and messy mind and the feeling of not doing “enough”.

Today I made a new list:

• -feel the warm socks on my feet after they come out of the dryer
• -eat something that is decadent
• -read a book in the bathtub
• -spend some time lying on the floor looking at the ceiling
• -smell the wet earth even though you are grumpy because it is still raining.
• -look at the sky a minimum of ten times, and really study it, like it was a painting
• -leave the clean laundry in the baskets

when the bath is full I slip into it book in hand. sometimes I stay there reading for hours, pausing every now and then to do a “warm up” by adding new hot water, (often several times). I like it to be hot enough that you can see the steam coming off the top, windows covered and dripping with moisture. I don’t like to get my book wet so I try to dry my fingers on a towel before I turn the pages (I don’t know why I do this but it seems a part of the ritual). On a couple of occasions I have dropped the whole book in the bath, (my copy of “New Moon” is forever swelled and stiff after a nights reading a few years ago).

In the bathtub I have only a couple of tasks. To read until my fingers are prunes, and to scrub my body, freeing the millions of dead skin cells as if they are all of my controlling thoughts. I rub them off with the loofah and they float on the surface of the water having lost all of their weight. I then wipe the sides of the tub, watching as my cells rapidly circle the drain before exiting permanently.

While in the tub I find the words that want to come out of my body, which have been lost for many days now. But when I sit down to write, they don’t come out as directly as I had hoped.

What I wanted to tell you about was that feeling of being warmed by the bathwater, of cheeks that are red and overheated. I wanted to mention the quality of light that comes in from the window, and tell you how it makes patterns on the wall which i would like to trace with a pencil.

I wanted to mention that sometimes the little things that make you feel most alive may not be all that pretty. Many times they involve mud, dead skin, cold air, things that are broken, things that are lost or missing, things that are scarred, things that are covered in layers of dust, things that are buried, things that you are trying to hide from others.
Especially that last one.

Wreck This Journal (This is no ordinary Journal)

I bought a journal this week (yes I still write in a journal) for a few reasons however, this is no ordinary journal. The title is "Wreck this Journal" and the author is Keri Smith. On every page there are instructions for what to do to the page. Instructions like, burn this page, a page for circles, take the journal in the shower with you, go on a walk and drag the journal, etc. I have only done a few pages and nothing too destructive, yet. The authors website is kerismith.com and I would encourage you to check it out. There are also other activities available on the website. I warn you though, if you do decide engage in this activity, people will give you funny looks trust me. All in all, it's a great way to pass the time, develop the creative side, and just have some fun with a book (sorta sounds like an oxymoron). Besides having fun with it, another reason I wanted to buy it was to blog about all the things I'm doing to this book. As silly as it sounds, I bet it's going to be very therapeutic. So far I have covered a page with office supplies, paper clips, tape, post-it notes, and a thumb tack. I have colored on the outside edges of the book, and tried to connect dotes on a page from memory.

 Therefore, because of this journal and how random the instructions are, you have to pick a song of the week and it has to be a goofy song. That is why I'm picking Muchkinland Musical Sequence (Ding dong the wicked witch is dead). If you don't know what movie that is from I'm not going to tell you. Instead I'm going to laugh at you. Have a good Day!

Seriously? It’s all about me. 25 things you don’t know.

As you may know, I am addicted to Facebook. Yes, I’ve tried to quit. But I don’t have an imaginary farm anymore, so I think there might be hope for me yet. Anyway, on Facebook they have a thing where you write 25 random things about yourself. Yeah, it’s so last year. But here are 25 things you probably don’t know about me.

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1. My husband and I met on Myspace I denied him serval times but he would not just give up (Thank God for that lol).
2. I don’t drive well at night, so I compensate by having a big car, lots of insurance and a ticked off attitude.
3. I once eat a worm when I was little. And no, it wasn’t my fault my Mom said so!
4. I’m a full-on participant in the love that cannot be named. Yes, I love Pottery Barn. If loving over-priced home décor is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
5. I believe the best exercise is walking slowly on the treadmill while reading love stories. I’m not certain, but I think that might be why I never lose weight.
6. As an child, I have never had a dog that didn’t come from the shelter. They’re the best.
7. I have started multiple accidental fires, some would call me a pyromaniac since I like playing with fire I no thats not a good thing.
8. When I’m alone in my car, I’m a rock star.
9. My idea of the best day ever is to spend the day at DisneyWorld.
10. I talk to my cats like they’re human. And they understand me. They don’t listen or obey, but they understand.
11. I know you won’t be shocked to read this, but I think i'm fat but my husband tells me that i'm perfect but he has to say that, I think otherwise.
12. I once rear-ended my cousion's car, causing over $4,000 damage to my car and $10 damage to her truck.
13. I have a secret obsession with celebrity gossip blogs. For some reason, I can’t get through the day without knowing where the Real Houswives threw up the night before.
14. I buy Mike's clothes because if I didn’t he would still be dressed like Kurt Cobain. Or possibly Ricardo Monteblan.
15. I have collected flamingoes for over 4 years now. I started my collection because my husband hates flamingoes. But I don’t think I have any repressed anger issues, do you?
16. I hate snow, I don’t like to ski on it, I don’t like to shovel it. I don’t even eat snow cones, despite the fact that they are usually dripping with yummy, sugary syrup, but it is pretty to look at.
17. When I lived in Texas, my parents made me live in the basement. Granted, it was a finished basement with its own bathroom and a huge bedroom—but still. THEY MADE ME LIVE IN THE BASEMENT.
18. It drives me crazy when people write “your” when they mean to write “you’re” or “you are.” On the other hand, I often end sentences with “of” or “to.” Go figure.
19. I used to write poams, I was too embarrassed for people to read them, afraid they would judge me.
20. I grew up in a BIG Family “if you aren’t yelling, we can’t hear you.”  We all had loud voices. Shockingly, none of the neighbors ever complained. Probably, they were afraid of us.
21. I envy women who have multiple children, yet are still dressed in clean clothing, have their hair and makeup done and the house cleaned by 8 AM. But I secretly wonder if they are human and why they aren’t like me because in my world every day is pajama day and the dust bunnies are treasured roommates.
22. I love British TV, especially the soaps. Nobody does infidelity, baby-switching and crazed ex-spouses like the British.
23. When my youngest brother was 13 I was brave enough to take him to a PG-13 by myself, without checking out how much sexual content the movie had in it. And that’s why my 13-year old brother yelled in the theater, “so that’s what a threesome is!” And let’s not even go into what they did with the ice cream sandwich before the actual…er, event. I will say here and now, however, that I will never look at an ice cream sandwich the same away again!
24. I lost my original wedding ring. Luckily, my husband loves me so I got a better one. I tried to lose that one too, but he said I was only entitled to one ring upgrade per lifetime.
25. I just turned 25 and I still read teen romance books, it takes me back to when I was in High school, how lame is that.