Great Allergic Reaction of 2011

Just before i get ready for school, I had one of those days. You know those days. They start off weird, and then just get worse. But this day started with me waking up and realizing it was still dark. Now that’s not the most unusual thing in the world, because I tend to wake up early. But then I realized that it wasn’t still dark outside.

It was dark because I couldn’t see. Now this? This was unusual even for me.

I say that because I am the proud possessor of the worst vision on the planet. Seriously. My eye doctor says that he only has two patients with worse vision—and one of them is my husband (thats a story for another day) That aside, when you wake up and can’t see, you figure one of two things have happened: 1) the sun has gone Supernova or whatever that thing is that they threatened us with in 7^th grade science class; or 2) possibly there is something wrong with you!

After careful consideration, I went with option 2. Mainly because I couldn’t remember the science behind option 1, but I kind of thought that if the Supernova thing had happened, a lot more would be wrong than me not being able to see.

So I felt my eyes and boom! They were huge and puffy and apparently swollen shut. And that was why I leaped out of bed and came quickly to the realization that I would not make a good blind person. See, I jumped out of bed, thinking I would automatically know my way to the bathroom because my other senses would take over and guide me to the sink. Like super powers or something.

Yeah. So it turns out my other senses didn’t exactly switch to superhuman the minute I couldn’t see. But after running into walls, tripping over a chair, and nearly knocking myself out on the doorframe, I finally got to the sink and was able to pry open my eyes and see myself.

And that, my friends, was something I never should have done! You know those movies where somebody eats something they shouldn’t have and their face blows up until they look like they’ve been in a losing battle with a puffer fish?

I looked just like that. And I don’t mind telling you; it was not a good look for me.

So obviously I was allergic to something. But rather than go to the doctor—because as we all know i'm scared to death of going to the doctor—I started eliminating possible suspects in the Great Allergic Reaction of 2011.

I started with the tree that the husband bought me for a Birthday girft. It was a lovely tree. Granted, Sophie,Little Bit and Milo have tryed to eat it, but it was still lovely. And out it went, to sit on the front porch. And the next morning, I pried open my eyes to discover a newly puffed up pair of Angelina Jolie lips to match my swollen eyelids. Yeah, still not a good look for me. Especially since I only got the lips and not the face or body to go with it (which is really unfair, if you ask me).

Then I decided it was the new rug I bought to go into the living room. It was a very lovely rug it match everthing in the house. No, I didn’t toss it out on the front porch but I did put it in the garage.

And yet I still resembled a puffer fish.

So finally I relented. I went to the doctor. And I found out that I am allergic to glitter. Yes, glitter—as in the glitter in my sparkly nail/toe polish and various other things. I know it’s weird. But honestly, I’m starting to think that weird is my normal. And yes, I do know that it took a long time for me to understand the obvious.

Anyway, an allergy to glitter, while not life changing, is kind of a bummer for me. I like glitter. What can I say? I’m some what  Italian-American. Have you seen those people? We’re talking sequins, poofs and glitter. It’s what they live for. Well, and hairspray. And possibly spray tanning—although I’m not into that. Seriously, is it just me or does Snooki and her gang look like an entire generation of oompa-loompas?

Come to think of it, I can live with being allergic to glitter. I can only thank heaven above it’s not an allergy to rhinestones. Then where would I be?